I think I missed the memo on why referring to someone by their preferred pronouns is so controversial.
For instance, I have asked my entire life to be referred to as Tanya. This has proved to be a non-issue. Appropriate nicknames have cropped up occasionally, but I haven’t ever had someone argue with me about how I introduce myself.
I understand that living outside of a binary, especially when it’s something that is new, can be difficult to wrap your mind around. I even understand the struggle to adapt non-binary language into the conversation (slipping up with an occasional misplaced her/him), even moreso when it’s a human you’ve known previously within the binary address. But I am baffled by why there are so many with such strong opinions against using preferred pronouns.
“Hi, I’m Bob.”
“Oh, hi there, Stardust,”
“No, actually, it’s Bob.”
“Sure, sure, but I think Stardust is better, so I’ll be calling you that from now on.”
I had an ex that used to rename his employees because he didn’t like their names. (This is, unfortunately, 100 per cent true. He didn’t call them Stardust, although that would’ve been awesome if he did.)
All that said, I think we can agree that’s weird to rename someone, yeah?
So why the trouble with pronouns? Please don’t use the grammatical argument. I’ve seen y’all text out there, and you don’t give two hoots about grammar.
I identify as a writer and my editor would be the first to tell you I have no clue where to put a comma.
If you’re able to put aside whatever justifications you have created – when someone politely informs you on how they prefer to be referred – it’s incredibly simple to oblige.
Ah, yes, I hear you, I hear you (you are not lacking volume, dear one), but let’s save the bathroom situation and women’s sports for another conversation.
Let’s start with simply speaking to someone in conversation. If you feel your skin prickle in protest at this simple request alone, can we explore that? Let’s go into that discomfort for a moment. Sit in it.
Why is this so challenging? What level of entitlement have you bestowed upon yourself that you are so able to address someone as you please instead of as they request?
It’s been a minute since I received an angry email, so I look forward to the delightful human who chooses to break my streak of peace. Good sir or madam, (assuming anyone outside the binary won’t have cause for a rabid email or comment, but still feel welcome to reach out), I simply ask that you use my preferred pronouns in your address.
